Paddle Humor for Survivors of the Swat, Switch, Spank, A Whuppin, Belt, or the Paddle

The paddle. Also known as the "Foolishness Remover" or "Rod of Correction" and feared by many a child now in their 40's and 50's. Its ancient Middle Eastern origins go back at least 4,000 years and parents have had that much time to craft it to perfection.

The paddle is where the science of aerodynamics converges with the goal of maximizing pain (bad behavior deterrent) with the least amount of effort (swing force). Was often hung by a nail, eye level for a child, in the kitchen or other prominent (visual reminder) and easily accessible location. There is also a direct correlation between the quicker the paddle is acquired the faster the swing--It was especially foolish to be foolish in the kitchen or dining room. The well-thought-out and strategically placed heart holes on the paddle in this post were definitely intended to leave a temporary reminder to the receiving end that love hurts.

The immediate effects of a paddlin often led to a quick high-step spanking dance with the hands on the backside. (It's no coincidence one of the meanings of "spanking" according to the Miriam-Webster dictionary is "having much high-spirited energy and movement") When doled out properly--performed immediately after the misbehavior, number and speed of swats fitting to the foolishness, administered in love and with restraint and not anger and frustration, it proved to be a very effective tool for the wielder of the wood.

Children quickly learned it was a not a good idea to dodge the swat. A poorly placed swat due to paddle-juking only led to more swats. It was also a lesson learned the hard way if you put your hands back there. The backside can handle a lot more paddle impact than the knuckles and fingers. Kids also learned if they exaggerated the pain it might lead to fewer strokes.

Parents also had strategies to intensify the punishment. The most effective being employed by the mother. No child after an infraction wanted to hear the dreaded threat "Wait till your father gets home." Spankings were always preferred to be mother-inflicted (although there are exceptions) and not the first thing a father had to deal with when he got home after a long day at work. Many a promise and good deeds were done by children waiting for their father to get home. Mothers knew this too and maximized it accordingly.

Sometimes the paddle wasn't available and here is where the creativity and resourcefulness of the parent shined. The go-to for the father was usually his belt. The mother might grab a large spoon-ladle, roll up an extra thick Good Housekeeping magazine, or if nothing could be grabbed, pull off her slipper or flat. The most unlucky child was foolish outdoors and near a willow tree or a fence line with small saplings. What were they thinking? Know your surroundings and behave accordingly.

Then at some point in time, the children became the adults and thought it better to retire the rod and replace it with time-out. And I think that explains a lot about all the extra foolishness we still see in adults today. It wasn't driven far from them by a switch-swinging, paddle-packing parent.

Pro 22:15 KJV Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Any foolishness remover survivors that can testify?