Making Room for Love. The Pathway to Forgiveness and Healthy Relationships

When I first moved into my house I could park two cars in the garage.  As time went on a box here, a lawnmower there, eventually I could only fit one car in my garage.  Now nearly twenty years later there's not even enough room for a motorcycle!  My garage has transformed into a storage unit!

Now imagine your heart is like a garage.  When we're young our hearts are empty (in a good way like a garage) to make room for the people we love.  There's so much room to store all the love for others!  But then you were betrayed or hurt and a storage container showed up in your garage full of the hurt and memory of the offense. The bigger the hurt the bigger the box.  Over the years our hearts can become so filled with hurts that there's no longer any room, or very little room, to allow people into our life.  Like a garage that was intended to hold cars but now is filled with boxes and clutter, our hearts were intended to store love and make space for the people in our life, but now it's filled with bad memories and painful experiences that leave no room for what your heart was created for.   

Your heart was made to allow people into your life but now it has been converted into a dark, cluttered storage unit full of bad memories and negative emotional experiences.  Your heart has become full of all the wrong things. So full in fact, when you have to go there, it's overwhelming, you don't even know where to begin, so you avoid it.  The people it was intended for are now pushed to the outside like a car in the driveway.  When a heart is filled with all the wrong things, it can't make room for all the right things.  And in the case of the heart, those right things are healthy, intimate, and loving relationships.

With that image in mind, I want to share with you a Scripture found in Colossians:

Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.  Colossians 3:13

I want to draw your attention to two points in this Scripture that will help you de-clutter your heart, one is reactive and the other proactive. 

First the reactive:  "Forgive anyone who offends you."  

The Bible says love "keeps no record of being wronged." (1 Cor 13:5)  That box of unforgiveness you have stored in your heart is a "record of being wronged."  It is taking up space you need to love and have healthy, whole relationships--not just now but for your future relationships too.  

When we have been wronged and hurt and have not forgiven, we have just stuffed another storage box in our heart that doesn't belong there.  The bigger the hurt, the bigger the box.   And the older the box--the longer it's been there, the longer we go without forgiving, the heavier it gets.  And in most cases, the tighter the lid becomes.   And there's another evil thing that happens.  With age the box changes.  It degrades and rots and begins to affect the rest of your heart.  The rotting process looks something like this.  It starts as a hurt but then turns into anger, after anger hatred can creep in.  But it doesn't stop there.  Hatred turns into bitterness, bitterness turns the heart cold. If not dealt with, an unforgiving heart can become hopeless and depressed.  Its putrid aroma spoils even the good things stored in your heart. 

How then do we "forgive anyone who offends" and  "keep no record of being wronged"?  Be brave, and express your love for the person by being quick and deliberate in restoring the relationship.  The Bible says, "Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry." (Eph 4:26)  Don't give that "record of being wronged" a chance to spoil your heart.  

But what about that offense that happened to you years ago?  It's never too late to restore a relationship.  If you still feel the effects of it years later, the pathway to freedom is through that person.  God will guide you. He will do the lifting, only He can.  Give your burden to Him. But what if they're dead or unreachable?  Then it's truly just between you and God.  Trust Him with your pain.

Now for the second point that will help you de-clutter your heart according to Colossians 3:13.    

"Make allowance for each other’s faults."  This is the proactive approach to guarding your heart from the offenses of others before it even happens!  

"Make allowance" can also be said, "Make room for each other's faults."  In other words, extend grace for the faults of others before they even fault you.  Anticipate the faults of others through the eyes of grace.  Not looking for it and pouncing on it, but making room for it by extending forgiveness before it's even needed.  How is this even possible?  The answer is found in the rest of Colossians 3:13 "Remember, the Lord forgave you."  God extended his mercy and grace to us while we were still sinners.  When we had acted in hatred and selfishness towards him he first loved us.  He did not hold us to account for our offenses toward him but died on the cross so we could return to Him.  So just as Jesus extended his forgiveness to us before we even sinned, so should we to others.  What a beautiful picture and example for us of the love and grace of God in action.  

As you reflect on the condition of your heart, where there might be boxes of offense, records of wrong, stored, let the Holy Spirit guide and help you do a heart-garage clean up.  As you do this it will refreshen your heart with God's aroma and free up space to bring others into your heart where they belong.  There are important people in your life who are in the driveway or at the street where you have stopped them from getting any closer.  Begin your path to healing today.   Let God be your guide and strength to  "Forgive anyone who offends you." and "Make allowance for each other’s faults."